I had a very good friend. Her name was Heather and she died a horrible and painful death at the hands of cancer. She and I would talk for hours before she died. Mostly about mundane things but the topics of bravery and courage would come up a lot because I admitted to her I had a problem with drinking. She didn’t judge me or tell me to quit, but she encouraged me to “do the right thing” and when I told her I was too cowardly to do the right thing, she would stop and tell me, “You are so brave!” and then we would sort of argue about what constitutes as bravery.
She was very sick and bald due to the chemotherapy. But she told me she had become very brave because she was taking pictures with her family that she had always put off before she’d become sick. She was always reluctant to take pictures with her family before getting sick because she had been overweight and thought she was ugly. One of her biggest regrets was not taking those pictures, because “now my kids don’t have those memories”, all they have of her now are the pictures from when she got sick. She felt sad that she didn’t find her bravery until she knew her time was truly limited, but she was glad that she was leaving her children and husband with some pictures of her smiling with them. Some pre-hair and weight loss, but not all of them.
The other thing she used to tell me was to call her. A lot. Most of our conversations were over text. I never called her and I regret it so much because I didn’t get to hear her voice before she left this earth. All I have is a memory of her voice from 2002 when we met in person for the first time. She looked like the “Swiss Miss” on the instant cocoa boxes I grew up with and a laugh so contagious! If I had been braver, I may have called her and called her a lot and listened to her laugh.
All of this is to say that if you are scared of what you will look like or if you are afraid to reach out, please think to yourself, “If I only had 3 days left to live, would I regret not taking this picture? Would I regret not making the phone call?”. Her voice in my head likes to remind me how brave I am for quitting drinking, and she always asks me if I have taken that picture and made that phone call today.
Take the steps you need to take to stay sober, and don’t forget to take the pictures and make the phone calls to those you hold dear. Tomorrow is never promised, and today is always a gift.
By: Bonnita Loess